|
"16 Foot Scarf Bondage" 2014-02-23 - 2:21 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj I've felt vulnerable here ever since I found out you could get here just by googling my name. I don't know if you still can. I think I fixed it, but I'm not sure. Moreover; I'm not sure if anyone who found it the first time hasn't stopped visiting. Mom, Dad, if you're reading this and you know I'm trans, just tell me. It'll make it a lot easier on all of us. G___ turned out to not be the miracle I thought she was. That's life, right? One person for everyone? Come on. I'm so different from the person who started writing here. I'm not sure I even recognize them as me. But the problems remain. Same shit, different asshole. Wish I could take credit for that one. I just feel like I don't know who I am anymore. There's so many choices ahead of me. No right or wrong. Just shades of grey. Do I make things worse this way or that way? That's over-dramatic. It's better, over all. The kid who started writing this; my shit is way better than his shit. Every day I think about how much better my life is than it was ten years ago. Shit, fifteen years ago. I guess if I've learned one lesson, it's that life is all about control. As foretold by Ian Curtis. I have so much more control now. I strive for more. Controlling myself is the ultimate goal. Still working for it. I want someone who will control me. Not so much that I lose control. That's a good conundrum. A mystery wrapped in an enigma, etc. Life to sum it up. Fuck if I know anymore. I don't even know what gender I am. It's all so defined by what people think of you. How they perceive you. And if you want more than one option there's societal stigma; and so many costly surgeries I mean, I can buy a box of .45 bullets for $30 I only need one. Not that I'm really suicidal. Not anymore. But damn, wouldn't it be easier? It keeps popping in my head. Wouldn't it be soooo much easier? But I won't do it. So I guess I just have to make some of these choices. I mean, what the fuck else am I gonna do? Sweet Dreams � � |