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"Janitor" 2010-08-06 - 4:32 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj I realized something tonight. If I felt anyone cared about me, even a little; if I had someone I cared about. I'd stop drinking and smoking tonight. I seem like kind of an alcoholic sometimes, and I'm self-destructive and self-loathing. But if I had someone I cared about, that I loved; and they loved me. I'd stop it all. I want to so bad. I mean, I know I'll always be fucked up. I'm never going to be ok just because someone "loves me". But I wouldn't drink alone anymore. I wouldn't smoke as much. If I found that love everyone keeps hoping for, that everyone keeps telling me is real; that everyone but me seems to find. It would change so much. Who cares anyway? "I've been lonely around here. A few times." no one knows my name � � |