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"Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough For The Two Of Us" 2005-03-07 - 6:57 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj yesterday I had my own Silent Hill-like experience see, the little area I live in off of the main road has no streetlights meaning that after dark it is fucking dark and yesterday about the time I had to leave for work, it got foggy as fuck like, just out of nowhere and I was already creeped out because when I checked the temperature there was this stray cat outside on the porch just staring at me and when I went to get in my car I was thinking about all these other creepy things so I put on My Chemical Romance's first album/EP: "I Gave You My Bullets, You Gave Me Your Love" and the first track of that is this kind of intro that's just the two guitars doing like, this really eerie finger-picking melody with this static in the background like you're listening to it on one of those old radios from the 40s so I got in my car, and I put that on and I'm driving down these black fucking roads through the thickest fog I've seriously ever seen in my whole life; with that song playing I thought for sure I was gonna see some specter of a girl or some weird, shapeless monstrosity like, I seriously thought that for a second I was half scared and half having the best time ever but yeah not much happened, I stayed up for 19 hours straight so I could have lunch with my uncle who's in town and then went to bed and I had this weird dream like, there was this transvestite convention in town [some other town, not Tucson, it was on the coast somewhere] and it was like, a big event it took up a couple city blocks and was like, a big deal all over town, everyone was going but I didn't go [hmm... maybe it's because I felt guilty about skipping the drag show saturday when I knew Chris and Cody were going to be there] but anyway, I was driving into this apartment complex and I didn't live there; I think I might have been delivering the paper, except I didn't have any papers with me and as I was driving in I saw this pickup truck with three Ku Klux Klansmen in the front; going down to the transvestite convention to cause trouble and... it seems like I felt like I had to do something, like call the cops or something and warn someone but I don't know because I can't remember what happened immediately after that but I know that somehow they saw me, and they started chasing me around the apartment complex like, in our cars and I remember once we got really close and this guy in the middle who was the leader I think(and was wearing black robes for some reason) threw like, a shovel or something at me; and I ducked and it just barely missed me but he looked right in my eyes and it was just creepy then somehow I doubled back and kinda lost them and I got out of my car and there was this like, it was like one of those things where there was a slope but they cut it off real sharp; like there's a big wall on the side of the road and at the top is a little slope and then there's more flat ground up higher well the slope was covered in vegetation so I jumped up to the top of the wall and climbed up the slope through the bushes and I started to run across the higher ground but then they pulled around the corner in their truck they figured out my trick and had taken a road up there and I just knew I was fucked and right then I woke up and like, my heart was racing and I was scared for my life it sucked but yeah, I don't know I reminded myself of something, though; on friday I went to go see Versus The Mirror again [they had this rockin' new song called "you can't make a ho a housewife"; it was really 80s and really good] but at the show I saw Cody and... I don't know like, I've always thought Cody was extremely hot he's always been like, my epitome of what I was looking for in a guy, physically and in a way I kinda "blame" him for making me realize I was gay like, realizing I was really attracted to him was one of main things that got me started on the road to realizing what I was and he was really attracted to me too like, we made out a few times and he blatantly asked me on several occasions to fuck him but I don't want to have sex without a relationship and I didn't want a relationship with Cody because even though physically he was everything I wanted personality-wise he was the exact opposite he was like, stoned 24/7; and just always really hyper and like, "ditzy" I guess you'd say I don't know but just like, the exact opposite anyway, ever since I turned him down flat a couple years ago we've never really gotten along I mean, I didn't really like to be around him anyway just because of his personality; but since then I think he always kinda resented me and so.. yeah, we don't like eachother, blah blah blah and then, I bumped into him friday at the show and... I guess he's been off drugs for a while like, I've seen him a few times since he's supposedly been clean but he seemed about the same to me but friday he seemed really together, and really like, mellow and just... really appealing, basically and not only that, he came up and talked to me all cheerful and stuff which I could've just passed off as being polite, but it seemed to be more than that and I talked to him again once or twice more and... I think he might have been flirting with me like, I don't know so now I'm kinda eager to see him again and see if he's like that all the time now or if it was just a one time thing which is why I wanted to see him at the drag show and then there's Chris I've been trying to make plans to see Chris just as friends for some time now but I've also had kind of a crush on him for a long time and I finally got him to make plans with me to see a movie and I was getting really eager and like "is it a date? is it just as friends?" and like, I was really hoping it could lead somewhere but he had to cancel our original plans then we finally got together and made plans to go to an art show on friday but then I actually slept through it I stayed up late that morning showering and shaving and getting cleaned up to see him and as a result I slept in really late and didn't wake up until we were supposed to be meeting it's kinda comical, actually but I felt and still feel terrible about it and he doesn't have a cell phone either so I couldn't call him and the worst part is that he called me twice but for some reason it didn't wake me up usually my phone always wakes me up, like, this was the first time it didn't and he called me twice and I feel like king of the dipshits about it so I was hoping to see him at the drag show to apologize and try and make more plans or something but of course... I didn't go like, I don't know I just did not feel like it at all I like drag shows I really wanted to see two people who I knew would be there but I just... did not want to go for some reason I don't know I feel like shit for a lot of reasons right now foremost because I'm sick as fuck it was 38 degrees out last night and I was way behind on my paper route so I just want to go to bed maybe I'll update again tomorrow and bitch about the other stuff and I'm surprised I don't have many readers Adios Amigos � � |