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"Imperfect" 2004-11-18 - 3:50 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj as you may have noticed, I haven't updated lately there's just been nothing going on I've been sleeping way too late not doing anything bought aMotion, A Perfect Circle's new DVD today the best feature is by far Maynard's commentary he's a really intelligent guy, who really has a lot to say but some of the commentary(on 'Judith' particularly) just reminds me of Kurtz's recordings from Apocolypse Now it's an interesting little line to hear walked if that made sense I'll spare you the rambling, psuedo-confessional entry I had planned tonight but I do want to say one thing: I've noticed I have a tendency to put myself down a lot, and sometimes live up to my own "anti-hype" the thing is: I'm screwed up, I know that and that makes it hard to be friends with me or (dare I say?)love me because my own issues tend to externalize themselves in ways that hurt others, especially those I care about and who care about me it can range from huge, dramatic arguments to simply not calling when I say I will and I know and I'm trying to change but I'm not succeeding at least not yet so I try to warn, and apologize, and even make jokes about it because that's all I can do for those around me those affected by the externalization the real struggle with it is internal something I have to deal with myself and to externalize that would just be words so for now, all I've got for those of you who give a crap about me is words but I am trying and although all I've done is betray trust; when I even gave reason to trust, that is I can only ask that you trust me and I understand if and when you don't "I saw a snail, crawling on the edge of a straight razor..." Sweet Dreams � � |