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"Optimistic" 2004-06-19 - 1:30 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj wow, so, things were actually the exact opposite of what I thought yesterday the "things" Gabby wanted to talk about turned out to be a very mild-mannered "jab" at Sara about coming to practice when we're supposed to practice I talked to the girls about combining the bands, and things went beautifully Gabby agreed not to let Ruben get to her Sara and I decided on how we'll share the vocals and we hammered out all the other details exactly how I hoped we would they called Ruben and had him come and hear the songs we're going to use in the new band and of course, the problems came from him since he didn't arrive until after the girls and I had hammered out all the details; he took it upon himself to tell us how the merger was going to work so after practice I had to straighten him out whatever all in all things went really well; and I'm really excited about the way the band is going to go so yay for that tomorrow I have to wake up early to drive my family to the airport; but once I finish typing in here I'm going to go play videogames instead of sleep because sleep is for the weak but first a PSA; that goes out to someone special [bet it's not who you think] because I can never just keep my mouth shut: things may suck now; but that's because you're going through the worst part of your life right now it sounds like a metric ton of bullshit, but over the next few years things will get better trust me hell, go back and read my entries from two years ago when I was 17; I may never have been self destructive, but at 16 and 17 I could out-crazy anybody on the block hell, I invented an alternate personality and named him for Chrissake and I spent many a night curled up in the fetal position in the dark shaking and crying and thinking I could feel myself going crazy I always thought things would never change, and suicide seemed like the only way to avoid a whole life like that now, I'm still paranoid, I still ruin relationships; and I still get depressed a lot but compared to who I was at 16/17; I'm a fucking upstanding citizen a "Stepford Wife" version of my old self, if you will I always thought that being happy was kind of an equivalent of "selling out" to myself; and being so dark and depressed was my natural state but people change, that's the way life goes I always hate to be the one to say "it will get better"; because that sounds like bullshit, especially coming from me but it's the truth, and my experience is not the exception I don't know what I'm trying to say and I don't expect anyone to say "yeah, you're right", or change their outlook or anything but I never could just shut up when people I care about are feeling like shit I was always a pansy that way I don't know I apologize for the pretentiousness/toolishness of that but is there anything I could say that wouldn't sound pretentious? Sweet Dreams � � |