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"Denim Demon" 2004-05-04 - 2:09 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj well, I took the time to make a new livejournal you can check it out here if you're on lj too add me as a friend and we can all be super happy friends on two pathetic online journal sites on to the actual entry: well, the good news is I did everything I said I would today I called that guy, and I closed my savings account and trasnferred the money into my checking account the bad news is: the guy filled the job at the gas station telling him to wait while I found out about Wal-Mart was a fantastic mistake and I can't believe I made it in the first place so now I'm back to square one ...Goddamnit on the upside, it was only a part-time job with crappy pay; and now I'll be forced to really try and get my job back at Wal-Mart, which is what I really wanted anyway ...aah, who am I kidding? this sucks and it's my own damn fault damnit things are real confusing in general right now my mom's been talking to me about going back to school lately and I should I want to I could get a student loan for it; so being poor isn't as big a deal but I don't want to go to school just for the sake of going to school I don't know what I want to go to school for I'm thinking I might go that ITT-Tech place learn something that would get me a job, and then focus on my music career or go mountain biking, like in the commercials I'm not sure which I don't know I want to go to school out of state I'm fucking sick of Arizona and it's crappy environment but I've only really got 3 options; New York; where I could live with my uncles for a while, and could get a band together easy honestly that's probably the best option, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the big city; and I'm not sure how much room my uncles have not to mention the fact they might be moving to LA well, the one actually related to me might be, I hear his partner wants to stay in NY, so I'm not sure how that's gonna work out option 2: Toledo, Ohio; where I could live with my grandparents I was born there, and so were both my parents, and the fact that my grandparents live there is about all it's got going for it option 3: LA; where I could possibly live with my cousins and/or my uncle/s[if he/they move down there] to be honest, I don't really want to go there, but if I decide I still want to go to film school, it would probably be a good place; and I'm sure the music scene is decent, better than OH, anyway but the fact is LA sounds like it's full of pretentious, self-absorbed assholes, and if there's one thing I can't stand, it's pretentious, self-absorbed assholes [gee, no wonder I hate myself] option 4 would be to go someplace else like Seattle or somewhere where I guess I would live on the street for a year or so until I could afford my own place ...well, I suppose student loans might cover a dorm room until I could get a job; I don't know, I'd have to look into it option 30: was Trent Reznor's first band that I hear played crappy 80's music [to quote Meathead: "your fans found pictures of you on the internet with bad 80's hair, go back three spaces"*] so I don't know the future is an unknown mess, as always nothing really new there as far as the present goes, I've been considering doing drag lately Stephanie's shows look like a lot of fun, and I've been wondering about doing it myself the problem is I don't know if I'm gay enough I'm sure they'd let me do it even if I was completely straight, but I wouldn't feel right I mean, I think the guy who was voted Ms. Gay Teen Tucson 2004 is bi, and I believe he actually has a girlfriend [but I'm not sure about that] but I just wouldn't feel right I've actually been tallying up in my head things that count towards my gayness or straightness, and here's what I've got so far[because I like to talk and have nothing to say]: even though I think about girls at home, the last few times I've been out I've been looking for guys who seem interesting/ed rather than girls as far as experience goes: I've only been in one real relationship, and it was with a girl, but the only person to touch my junk outside of doctors and the like was a guy; I've only made out with two people, one girl, one guy so that all kind of cancels itself out I took thespark.com's gay test and[I never trust online quizzes, as a rule, but] the results were that I was 48% gay, which sounds about right another thing is that I have really hairy legs it's like fur and if I shaved them, it would be really obvious; and my parents would notice, and I can't think of a good lie to tell them about that; so they would probably find out and I don't want my parents to find out but on the other hand I suppose I could just say I was European I don't know drag classes start in June, so I've got a whole month to decide I probably won't do it anyway, but it's fun to pretend gives me something to think about other than how depressing my real life is Sweet Dreams *-[Meathead doesn't have his page up anymore, but he used to post stuff that kind of mocked Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails(out of admiration, or so he claimed); and that was from something he did called "The Game of Trent's Life"] � � |