|
"All My Ghosts" 2004-01-24 - 4:17 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj this is gonna be one of those annoying, glib, upbeat entries so if you want darkness and misanthropy; go here first, the other day I found out that I share a birthday with Aleister Crowley the "wickedest man in the world" I found a biography of him online and his real life was more interesting than some novels I've read I look at his life and I just think: "gee, it really is possible to go out and live an extraordinary, storybook life" but despite how much I want to go out and be an active person and get involved in things that would eventually lead to magical duels and bisexual experimentation; I just don't have the motivation fuck me so anyway, as usual I've wasted another day I keep meaning to turn in job applications; but the only place actually hiring was Vitamin Barn [ok, it's actually called Warehouse Vitamins; but I like my name better, so I hereby dub the place Vitamin Barn. God I hope I get a job there so I can repeatedly talk about how my day at Vitamin Barn was.] that and Office Max; but Office Max's application is this gigantic fucking pamphlet; and I don't really want to work there/am not likely to get hired there anyway so meh and in case I didn't mention so I turned in the application for Vitamin Barn already so I just wasted another day waking up late as fuck and sitting around I need to call my counciler and start figuring out my future, but I just don't have the energy that's really gonna bite me in the ass; I'll have to do something monday I swear anyway, in order to pass the disgusting amounts of time I have on my hands, I've started writing stories again really they're more like blueprints for comics I intend to write/draw since the problem I run into most while trying to create comics is getting bored with the concept while doing the arduous work of drawing it all out I figure if I write it all out first, I'll have something to work from and won't be making it up as I'm drawing it and plus if worse comes to worse I can simply release them as novels the part I'm most proud of myself for, though, is that they're original the biggest problem I've had in the past is that despite how creative I am; I wind up taking a bit too much from the things that inspire me to be creative I remember about five or six years ago I tried to write a sci-fi novel and it was the worst, most horrible Frankenstein's Monster of a story just chunks of other videogames/books/etc. torn out and clumsily stitched together it was really bad and since then I've been getting better and better about it but I've never quite been able to be completely original and I stopped writing stories for a long time with my attempts at comics[which rarely ever got off the ground] being the closest I came but lately I've started again and the stories are pretty original there's only one or two little things each where somebody could look at it and see a connection to whatever inspired me I'm rather proud of myself of course, just because they're original doesn't mean they're any good I think they're decent mostly they're still just the blueprints for comics; and as such I've been skimping on the sensory imagery and visuals a little [since as comics that will be drawn out] but they could stand alone if they had to I don't know other than that I've mostly just been playing videogames and mostly Fatal Frame 2 one thing I will say about the game; is that it's more addictive than fucking heroin it's a lot like Stephen King's 'Insomnia' in that for the first 200 pages or so of the book; it was slow going and I was tempted to just give up but those last 300 hundred pages were so good that it was insanely hard to put down Fatal Frame 2 took a while to warm up but now I find it hard to stop playing and if Tecmo has anything going for them; it's that they know how to do atmosphere it has impressed the pants off me however, one of the two main failings of the game; is that whenever something big happens, rather than being like: "dude, that was so scary" I'm more like: "man, that was awesome" which of course, isn't really a bad thing it just doesn't support the mood they were going for I'm sure it's better for my nerves and/or psyche; but it's not as fun another point of interest is that the story revolves around two twin sisters and sometimes your sister follows you around now, in real life, having another person around in that situation would be comforting but I'm so used to being alone in these games that seeing another being following me around has me on edge due to a combination of all the videogames I play and years of antagonism from my father I'm a pretty high-strung person which is an advantage in videogames the slightest motion and/or noise draws my attention; and my reflexes are pretty quick, so getting the drop on me is pretty hard but I can never really tune her out when she's around so I always have to kind of work around her when I'm watching for movement it's hard to explain but it's really annoying anyway the game's other main failing is the fact that the enemies are ghosts ghosts just aren't all that frightening to me after a certain age I realized that you don't have to be afraid of ghosts because they can't touch you to hurt you they're ethereal and even though I was proven wrong about that ghosts still just aren't that intimidating when it comes down to it; ghosts are really just ex-people compared to the monsters in Silent Hill where if you get a good, still picture of them and stare at it for hours you still won't be able to tell just what the fuck they are that just doesn't stand up so even though it's kinda nice to be able to play a game like this and be able to walk into a dark room afterwords; I still miss being strung out on adrenaline and paranoid all night yes, there is something very wrong with me I warned you this wouldn't be a good read Sweet Dreams if I could live to be several hundred I could take a walk and really wander really wander all my ghosts on every sea in every land oh who needs that now? who needs that now? who needs that now? have you heard about the heavenly angels how they came to earth and met some ladies with whom they mated? and their young became giants every one oh who needs that now? who needs that now? who needs that now? I was driving across the valley floor going past a scene of gore something that had ended here then I stopped in at a porno store and I found among the pictures there a vision that was very fair just a moment from yesteryear all I could do was stare I had a date for the eleventh hour and we took a tour of the Seven Horrors plus just one more Hank The Eight was a duplicated man oh who needs that now? who needs that now? who needs that now? -All My Ghosts Frank Black and The Catholics � � |