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"Unhappy Birthday" 2003-10-15 - 3:54 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj I'm starting to feel kinda bitter again mainly it's my birthday I received four presents and a decent amount of money; although not as much as I used to get it's slipping through my fingers like sand gas here, smokes there; a couple CDs and poof: practically gone I don't know birthdays are starting to become more depressing than happy so I'm 19 now huzzah it doesn't mean anything I haven't earned any new rights but I am one year closer to wasting my life I had hoped to be gone by now my whole life I expected to be out of my house by the time I turned 19 but oh-no; things don't go the way I planned and bang: 19, still in the same situation I was at 17 except I don't see my friends as much; and I don't have to put up with high school anymore and all that means is that the pressure to get a job is even higher and I have nothing to do all day I've had that line from that John Lennon/Beatles[I forget which] song: "he blew his mind out in a car" everything just seems so pointless everything is just stuff I have to do to keep from failing and not doing it is boring even music seems like something I have to do I have to get my band together, I have to write the music; I have to make sure things go the way I want them to and film-making seems so far off as to be nonexistant and love... it all seems so complicated all of a sudden there's so much I have to do before it'll be fun and it's so far away could drugs be the answer? irrelevant; I can't afford them whenever I thought of doing drugs, I always thought of it as a form of self-abuse when I got depressed and thought about doing heroin; it wasn't so that I could get high and not feel bad it was so I would hurt myself by being addicted and all the shit that goes with that the getting high seemed like the drawback the price I would have to pay to hurt myself but now I look at my life and wonder: why not get high? it might be something I could enjoy but it's all just theory just another daydream to keep myself from thinking about life because I can't afford to use drugs and that's the bottom line I'm struggling just to keep myself smoking I can't afford to blow a few hundred bucks on a small amount of some drug-of-choice it's been forever since I've seen even a hundred bucks I don't know if I go to sleep maybe I'll wake up and my life will seem worth living again I'll be able to see the reason I go through this the goal I work toward because right now, I can't see it He Blew His Mind Out In A Car Sweet Dreams I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday because you're evil and you lie and if you should die I may feel slightly sad (but I won't cry) Loved and lost and some may say when usuallly its Nothing surely you're happy it should be this way? I say "No, I'm gonna kill my dog" "May the lines sag heavy and deep tonight " I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday because you're evil and you lie and if you should die I may feel slightly sad (But I won't cry) Loved and lost and some people say when usually its Nothing surely you're happy it should be this way? I said "No" and then I shot myself so, drink, drink, drink and be ill tonight from.... the one you left behind from the one you left behind from the one you left behind from the one you left behind behind behind behind behind behind behind Oh unhappy birthday behind behind behind behind -Unhappy Birthday The Smiths why not? � � |