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"untitled" 2003-04-10 - 2:37 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj I feel so numb I just spent half an hour on my roof paralyzed I couldn't move my limbs wouldn't respond my eyelids drifted shut my breathing slowed but didn't stop how I wish it had it's taking all my will just to type this now I don't know why I'm even bothering I can't see the point anymore to anything I have nothing to live for I've lost everything I look at the things that used to keep me alive: Music I can't decide what instrument I want to play, what kind of music I want to play, I don't know how I'm going to get a band together once I figure those things out. The whole thing has become a question instead of an answer. Robyn We've drifted apart. That's all there is to it. We don't talk anymore. We don't hang out or see eachother. There is no "we" between myself and Robyn anymore. We'll never go to Summerland. and Stephanie it seems like there's two sides to my life now; my own life and my relationship with Stephanie I feel like I'm hurting her just by knowing her I feel like I'm hurting her every time I talk about her I feel like I'm hurting her every time I talk to her and I feel so bad that I can't help her every time I think about her I feel like I should fall to my knees and apologize I'm sorry Steph, I'm so very sorry I'm sure to all of you this looks like just another one of my depressed entries; but to me this is more than that it's taking me a supreme effort of will to push each key down I have no reason to live and I just wish I had the strength to end it I'm sorry everyone so very sorry � � |