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"...And All that Could've Been" 2003-03-15 - 2:44 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj Just watched Chasing Amy Kevin Smith's drama in his series of comedies that movie hit a little close to home for me it's like an exaggerated account of what happened ...and all that could've been between me and Stephanie I don't know Holden's not that much like me and Alissa's not that much like Stephanie and I'm glad things didn't go the way they did in the movie for us and I don't mean just the ending I mean all of it I really like things the way they are between us right now I cannot think of a way things could be better but that doesn't make Chasing Amy any less... any less like peering into an alternate dimension I don't know but speaking of Stephanie and comic books [Holden & Alissa are comic book writers] I really want to get going on Paint it Black I really like that character, but I don't know what to do with her I mentioned this a couple entries back, but I don't think anybody read that one or else no one felt the need to comment either way I'm taking a Creative Writing course through the internet now; so hopefully that'll help me with writing stories my ideal situation would be me and Stephanie co-writing or maybe just her writing and me drawing but even though I hate to assume how other people are feeling; I don't think it was that important to her I'm not saying it should be you can't make yourself be interested in something but y'know; what're you gonna do? I'm probably going to end up either writing it myself or doing like I suggested in that entry nobody read I have to remember to ask Stephanie about it in real-life news, I saw my therapist today; and she told me about Disability basically it's going to be a long-time before I'm going to be seeing a check like, probably until Stephanie's almost graduated anyway [that refers to my plan to end up living with Stephanie in the event that Disability wouldn't be enough to live on by myself] and it's not very much being on Disability, I'd qualify for food stamps and low-income housing; and my medical insurance would be covered by the government but it would still be enough to only get by and while that was kind of my plan anyway; I don't like to be left without other options so basically I'm going to have to live with someone[I'm hoping Stephanie] just so that together we can afford a place that's actually livable of course that could end up really not-sucking if my life were perfect, me and Steph could share a place and both work on Paint it Black; getting our revenue from being comic book creators as I said; that could really not-suck and it's actually in the realm of possibility(a real change for my hopes) but I don't know I'm not gonna get my hopes up over something like that but learning just how little Disability is has really given me the delayed reaction blow of just how bad my situation is I really am too sick to work this isn't something I'm just doing 'cause I'm lazy; I can't hold down a job there's nothing I can do mentally and there's no medication I can take I'm just stuck my only real option if I don't want to be stuck on Disability for the rest of my life is to either A)get one of them "work at home" internet jobs; or B)really get to work on being a comic book artist I don't have a lot of choice there *sigh* in news that matters now; the reason I was able to keep going out on weekends a lot recently is that I was constipated for weeks, meaning that as long as the stomach pain wasn't too bad, I could go out and then after the colonoscopy and the laxatives I had to take to prep myself for it; I felt better for about a week that was nice but now recently I've been feeling sicker and sicker each day and the diarrhea is coming back so I may not be able to do anything this weekend if I get really sick, I should be able to do something at least a couple days this week; but I might also be home-bound a few days as well also, since I'm not real sure; as much as I'd like to attend that anti-war rally Steph[and I really would]; if it's too far down-town than I don't think I should chance going down there so yeah, that's what's going on with me what I've been hiding behind comments about Kevin Smith movies and lectures on Communism Stephanie, Thanks for Giving Me Something Personal to Write About Sweet Dreams � � |