"All Apologies" 2002-09-11 - 3:51 a.m.

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My 4th entry. I don't want to write this; but my conscience won't let me sleep until I do. I'll keep this brief because I'm tired. Everyone who reads this knows about my temper. And now that I've calmed down I was looking back on things with Evan; thinking I had no real reason to go off like that. But in a wierd way I did. One of my "pet peeves" is people not believing in me. Like before my mom had to have a job, and would be there in the morning. I would set my alarm and wake up on time; and she would sometimes knock on my door to make sure I was awake. And even though she was just trying to help; the thought that she would even consider that I couldn't get up on my own drove me nuts. For a moment I would hate her; as purely as any human has ever hated another. Then it would fade. And Evan's assumption that I didn't understand him when he said 'maybe' did that to me. I knew he wasn't coming back; he just wanted to jam; but his assumption that I didn't understand him drove me crazy. So I went off on him in my previous entries tonight. I doubt Evan reads this; but I apologize. Some of my anger was justified; and I did nothing wrong in correcting him; but to explode like I did and say I wished he would get hit by a car is a bit much. Anyway, that's it. I had to say that. Good night.

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