"Highly Evolved" 2002-08-28 - 12:05 a.m.

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Things between me and Stephanie are over. I'm not gonna get into why, because that would just cause her to retaliate, and if we start talking again I'm going to change my mind; but I know this is better, for both of us. Faretheewell Stephanie, I loved you once, and I hope you do well in life.

In other, but equally screwed up news; I love Robyn. But I'm scared. I don't want her to be just another name I mention the next time I'm relating my torturous mishaps in the world of romance to someone. I don't want to hurt her. Again. First there was when I was avoiding her, back when the Mole People broke up; then there was when I made her feel like she had to apologize to me whenever she was sad; and now she's scared of 'being repetative' in her diary. And no matter how many times I kick myself over those things, it won't make them go away. And it won't stop something else from happening. I'd rather she ran, and left me alone, than me hurting her. I'm used to loneliness, I can deal with that, I'm getting to the point where it's become like a friend of mine; but I don't think I could forgive myself for hurting her again. It's up to her. I won't push her away if she doesn't want to take this opportunity to save herself, but my advice is still to run while she can. I don't know. I'd call her, or try and make some form of contact, but I have no idea in hell what to say. So I'll just sit in my room all confused, and then I'll go buy comics this weekend like the geek I am. I'm torn between buying some issues from R-Galaxy or ordering the 100 Bullets collection online. Man, my life is boring as hell. I need a job, I have to go check back at Pet Smart or something. I hear they just fired someone, so maybe my 'connections' (snicker) will come through. I have Evan, whom I'm still not sure wether he still likes me or not; and Erin, who could possibly be told by Steph not to hire me, and so my 'connections' are hypothetical at best. And plus there's the fact that employers DON'T LIKE ME. Absolutely nowhere wants to hire me. I don't think I could even go back to fast food if I wanted to. Which I don't. Shit. I'll apply at other places this weekend. I'm just so sick of everything... I'm gonna go make myself a sandwich. Have a nice day!

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